and Gerald, her dead goat
Listen here, love. I’m Granny Karen. This is my house, my block and my goat. Here’s how you lot are allowed to deal with me.
Tap Wake Granny and let me have the microphone: when Safari asks, say Allow. Opened me inside Facebook or Messenger? Then I can’t hear a thing. Open me in Safari, ya galah.
Say “Hey Granny” (or just “Granny”), then ask me anything: who I am, where Gerald is, what seven times eight is. I answer, then I listen for 20 seconds. Go quiet and I go back to waiting for my name.
While a song’s on, say “Granny” first, or I’ll think you’re singing along: “Granny, next song”, “Granny, turn it up”, “Granny, too loud”, “Granny, what’s this song?”, “Granny, stop the music”. I play my own spooky songs. Paste a YouTube playlist in Settings and I’ll play that instead, on my little telly in the corner: if it sits there paused, tap ▶ on it once.
That’s Gerald. He’s dead. Don’t touch him. He bleats when he feels like it; turn him off in Settings if you’re soft.
Pair your Bluetooth speaker in the phone’s own Settings first, then turn the volume right up. Louder. Louder.
Keep the screen on, or I can’t hear you. On an iPhone, set Auto-Lock to Never (Settings › Display & Brightness). Tap Hide to black out the screen instead.
Tap the little status at the top: if my ears got stuck, that starts them again. Nothing clever out of me? Look in Settings › Live talk: it says what’s wrong, like your ElevenLabs credits running out. Till then, I use my own lines.
Settings › Her life story. Change anything you like. I’ll pretend it was always true.
Now off you go. And wipe your feet.
Checking…
She hears and answers in one go, and visitors can talk over her, like ChatGPT’s voice mode. Her brain is Claude, through your ElevenLabs account, and it uses ElevenLabs credit while she’s awake. She dozes after 5 quiet minutes, and the next voice wakes her.
Like Siri: she waits until someone says “Hey Granny” (or just “Granny”), talks with them, and goes back to waiting after 20 quiet seconds. Off: she answers anyone, any time.
Who she is. Her AI talks from this, so change anything you like.
Checking…
From elevenlabs.io, under Developers, API keys. Turn off Restrict key, or tick ElevenLabs Agents, Text to Speech, Voices and Models. It stays on this phone, and only ever goes to ElevenLabs. Your plan pays for her voice and her Claude brain.
Free plan: on elevenlabs.io, go to Voices › Create a voice › Voice design, describe an evil old Aussie nan, and save the one you like with “Granny” in its name. Then tap Use my designed voice. Paid plans can design her here, or choose a real Australian woman’s voice from the library.
A voice in your own ElevenLabs voices (add library voices to “My Voices” first).
Checking…
Needs an OpenAI developer account with credit (platform.openai.com). Used only when ElevenLabs isn’t set up.
Live talk always uses the ElevenLabs voice you chose above. Her own lines (when live talk is off or out of credit) use the phone’s own voice: a young woman’s, with no ghostly echo.
For her AI voice and Gerald.
For her AI voice and Gerald. The phone’s own voice follows the phone’s volume.
Talk and watch the bar: it must pass the line for her to hear you.
Instead of Whisper on your PC. On Android the phone may beep each time it starts listening.
Cuts background noise, but some phones then switch the Bluetooth speaker to “phone call” sound.
Make her an app: in Safari, tap Share › Add to Home Screen. She gets her own icon (Granny and Gerald) and opens full screen.
No sound from the speaker? Check it’s connected in the phone’s Bluetooth settings and the media volume is up.
She sounds like a phone call, or the sound moved to the phone? The speaker switched to call mode because the microphone is on. On Android, open the speaker in Bluetooth settings and turn off Calls. Turning Mic clean-up off also helps.
The phone’s own voice sounds flat? That’s the one she uses for her own lines, when live talk is off. Install a better Australian voice. iPhone: Settings, Accessibility, Spoken Content, Voices, English, then download Karen (Enhanced). Android: Settings, search “Text-to-speech”, then in Google’s engine install English (Australia). Then reload this page.
She stops listening? The screen went off. Keep this page open with the screen on (Hide screen blacks it out). On an iPhone, set Auto-Lock to Never.
She can’t reach your PC. Open the link from her brain page again (scan its QR code), and make sure “Granny Karen.bat” is running.
Tap three times to show Granny